honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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