I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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