Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
