the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
