Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
