I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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