Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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