OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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