Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
