Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
