I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
