two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
