another moral hangover. fuck.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
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