This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
