you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
we're so committed to being not committed
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize