First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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