I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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