i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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