This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
