He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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