I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
