he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
