a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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