they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
