I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
