Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
