sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
