Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
