I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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