it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
