its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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