it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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