Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize