Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
