Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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