So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
