There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
