I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
