Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize