How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
