careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
a search helicopter?!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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