i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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