Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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