Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
