Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize