Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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