Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
