you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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