doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
