it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize