Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
