He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
