i just made my gag reflex go away.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
