I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
