Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
