omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
