I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
just found out that she named her cat after me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
