Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
