omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize