someone owes me an orgasm
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
