Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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