I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
