He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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