I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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