i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
