I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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