So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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