that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
