no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
