Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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