thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
