My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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